the exit interview

iso400 35mm f2.8 1/160

It was the last day of my mission in the Argentina Rosario Mission.  I sat across the desk from my mission president, Jorge Ventura.  He asked me a question in spanish- "do you know how to find a husband?"  I wasn't sure what he meant or how to respond.  He filled the silence with profound wisdom that I will always be grateful for-

"Hermana Miller, tiene que casarse con alguien que no tiene miedo de trabajar y no tiene miedo de sacrificarse."
Translated: "Sister Miller...marry someone who isn't afraid to work and isn't afraid to sacrifice."

If you know Danny at all, you know that I followed that advice very carefully.  I am so grateful that my girls have him to learn from.  They see him work long days and come home with a smile on his face.  They see him frequently offer to help neighbors and friends.  They see him care of rental property that we have worked hard to obtain.  They have been given the privilege to work there.  They like the money they can earn...but what is even more valuable is the lessons of work and sacrifice they are learning by being at his side.

I will always be grateful for my mission, but especially that wisdom I received on my last day in Argentina.

VW Transporter

Danny was able to resurrect his 1970 VW Transporter (a.k.a. VW bus truck) this summer.

Danny and Grandpa Davis used to drive through the orchard and fill this same truck up with peaches to the brim and take them to the farmers market.  He always wanted to have a truck like this as his own some day and then when he turned 16 Gramp and Gram surprised him with it.  He did a few things to fit it up back then and started driving it but not too many weeks after the transmission went out and he decided to park it for a bit.  About 10 years ago Gram fixed the transmission and had it painted and did some interior repairs.  About 2 years ago Papa had some engine work done to it by Gordon Gunn.  This whole time it sat next to the rock shop house under a Costco car tent and then after Gram passed away it started to live in her garage.  Papa was finally convinced to let it come back to it's 16 year old owner after 25 years of either sitting or being worked on. "Every time I drive it it brings back the great memories of growing up on the farm with Gramp and Gram." Danny

19

It was just he and I enjoying a quiet dinner alone.   The green beans at Sapa were as good as we remembered and we tried their pork dumplings...that were amazing!  As we ate Danny asked me my favorite memory over the last 19 years.  How could I possibly pick just one!?  I asked him, and he knew right away, "the moment we became parents."  Having three daughters did change everything.  

It only seemed fitting that we celebrate with them tonight too.  When we returned home they had made a "HAPPY ANNIVERSARY MOM & DAD!" poster.  We ate ice cream  and lit sparklers together.  These past 19 years have not been perfect...but they have been oh so good.  Here's to many more.

father's day

He spends everyday helping others...

we are the greatest recipients of his hard work.

We adore him...

and are always happier when he is home with us.

His favorite part of father's day...sleeping in!!!

And a few cat naps in the afternoon!

Some say he is outnumbered in our house...

but really...he is man enough to balance it all out.

We love you Big D...happy father's day!!!!!!!!

40 years....

HAPPY BIRTHDAY TO OUR VERY FAVORITE GUY!!!

to celebrate 40 years

italian sausage + mushroom lasagna

grilled asparagus

banana cake with salted caramel butter cream

(this recipe is amazing!)

salted caramel gelato

it's a gift

She takes after him...

she has his eyes

she is persistent

she plans ahead

she loves to work

she likes other people to count on her

she likes to help

she loves to laugh

...and she can touch her nose with her tongue. 

happy birthday love...

i adore you

xoxo

forever mine....

The girls and I were faithful to our tradition...

and made dinner for Danny on Valentine's day!

He loved it!

I bought 3 treasure box charms for us to give the girls and Danny wrote them each a personalized letter.

He wrote a nice card for me too.

Before dessert, they gave me much cooperation and we took pictures with my studio equipment in the family room.

I think that will be a new tradition!

We are so lucky to have each other forever...

I love each of them so much and feel so lucky to be loved by them!

xoxo

I just listened to this the day after Valentine's Day.

I love that idea of gift giving!

a day off...

Earlier in the week Danny suggested he take Friday off.   

When he told me he had nothing planned...did I want to hang out????...my heart leapt!

I love days off just hanging out!!!!!!!!

We got the two school girls ready and Danny drove them for me!!!!!!

On Fridays I usually stay and help gather and grade homework for Kate's teacher.

Danny offered to do it---so Sophie could sleep in.

He picked us up in time for Sophie's violin lesson.

We suggested a reward for playing her piece memorized---

a trip to lunch on the train.

We ran an errand, looked for a fuzzy sticker for Sophie's violin, then headed downtown.

We hit one more store and then met Nana to take TRAX to lunch at Haagerman's deli.

After lunch we hung out at the planetarium.

We picked up drycleaning...and then our girls.

We took them out early to go pick up frozen custard. 

(We told them it was going to be liver & onions...they have no idea what that is...but it is the worst thing I remember being fed as a child!)

We picked up...and played instruments.

Nana came to play with the girls....

and Danny and I went out to sushi with friends.

Little things make a big difference~

It was my favorite day of the year!!!!!!

xoxoxo

top of the world

 pictures taken in Aug. 2010 @ the Smithsonian Air and Space Museum

I'm on top of the world lookin' down on creation...

and the only explanation I can find...

is the love that I've found ever since you've been around 

it has put me at the top of the world...  

-The Carpenters

How did I get so lucky to be with him?  He truly is my better half.  He helps me laugh when I am taking things too seriously.  (I always take things too seriously.) He supports me in every goal or ambition.  He is my best friend---I can tell him anything.  He understands me.  He cares about us.  I love him.

I was asked to teach a Sunday lesson at church to the Relief Society (a women's group).  The assignment was on LOVE & MARRIAGE with the emphasis (taken from Daughters in My Kingdom) as follows:  "The cultivation of Christlike qualities is a demanding and relentless task..."

As I thought about what I could say, one thing that kept returning to my mind was something Patricia Holland said, "If I were Satan and wanted to destroy a society, I think I would stage a full blown blitz on women.  I would keep them so distraught and distracted that they would never find the calming strength and serenity for which their gender has always been known."  One Thing Is Needful, Patricia Holland; Ensign Oct. 1987

It left me wondering in which ways I am distracted and how I could improve my relationship with Danny.  I decided on three specific distractions to overcome for myself-

selfishness

"I have heard President Hinckley teach publicly and privately what I suppose all leaders have said---that most problems in love and marriage ultimately start with selfishness."

How Do I Love Thee, Jeffrey R. Holland

being easily provoked

"Think of how many arguments could be avoided, how many hurt feelings could be spared, how many cold shoulders and silent treatments could be ended, and, in a worst-case scenario, how many breakups and divorces could be avoided if we were not so easily provoked, if we thought no evil of one another, and if we not only did not rejoice in iniquity but didn't rejoice even in little mistakes."

How Do I Love Thee, Jeffrey R. Holland

criticism

"Bite your tongue if you have to.  'He that is slow to anger is better than the mighty; and he that ruleth his spirit than he that taketh a city' (Proverbs 16:32)  At least one difference between a tolerable marriage and a great one may be that willingness in the latter to allow some things to pass without comment, without response."

How Do I Love Thee, Jeffrey R. Holland

As I studied these distractions I found some wonderful solutions that I need to work on:

for selfishness---be deliberate

find ways, on purpose, with thought and genuineness to show love

don't assume that it is assumed--show love by my actions

Mother Theresa said, "Do small things with great love."

plan dates and time to be together

turn off phones and electronics for said dates

remember making memories is more important than receiving things

easily provoked---laughter

I love this from Joseph B. Wirthlin-

"The first thing we can do is learn to laugh.  Have you ever seen an angry driver who, when someone else makes a mistake, reacts as though that person has insulted his honor, his family, his dog, and his ancestors all the way back to Adam?...Our laughter created cherished memories for us...The next time you're tempted to groan, you might try to laugh instead.  It will extend your life and make the lives of all those around you more enjoyable."

Come What May- And Love It,  October 2008

criticism---seek optimism (or bite my tongue)

"'The Spirit of the gospel is optimistic; it trusts in God and looks on the bright side of things.  The opposite or pessimistic spirit drags men down and away from God, looks on the dark side, murmurs, complains, and is slow to yield obedience.'  (Orson F. Whitney) We should honor the Savior's declaration to "be of good cheer.'  Speak hopefully.  Speak encouragingly, including about yourself.  Try not to complain and moan incessantly.  As someone once said 'Even in the golden age of civilization someone undoubtedly grumbled that everything looked too yellow.'"

The Tongue of Angels, Jeffrey R. Holland, May 2007

Another thing I could do better...posting pictures of Danny and I.
I could take a few more too.
I hardly ever post pictures of the two of us.
Next time it wont be so wordy.
xo

clam chowder

I knew it was serious when he bought my clam chowder.  Danny and I had been hanging out for a few months.  He and his roommate Stu were often at our apartment...or my roommates and I at theirs.  Stu and Heidi (one my roommates) were dating.  Danny and I enjoyed each other's company...and I was entertained by his flirting...but we were just friends.  Spring break was approaching and we decided to go on a road trip...my hometown (Petaluma, CA).  Danny, Stu, Heidi and I loaded in Danny's car and we made our way to California.

On our first day in Petaluma we decided to make the short drive to the city...San Fransisco.  We walked...visited Alcatraz and headed to Pier 39 around lunch time.  We chose Boudin Bakery for clam chowder in a bread bowl.  To my surprise, Danny bought my lunch.  Danny takes going out to eat and spending $ seriously.  So seriously that buying my lunch was like a flashing neon sign...DANNY LIKES ME.  I wasn't sure what to do or think. 

After lunch we found the car and began driving around.  Danny decided to pull over at a park just after we visited Lombard street.  Stu and Heidi jumped right out...and I tried to stay as close (like glue!) to Heidi as I could.  :)  A romantic walk in the park...I wasn't ready.  I was scared.  Did I like him????  Did I want to marry him...after all---he did by my lunch ;) 

Later that night Danny and I were talking on the couch in my parent's living room.  "You don't want to talk about this..." he observed.  I was awkward and Danny was relaxed.  "Do you like me?" he asked.  I did like him.  He made me laugh.  He treated everyone he knew with kindness.  He was always happy.  He was (and still is) handsome.  He was ambitious, strong, smart...What wasn't to like?  So I told him my rule.  It was a rule to protect my heart... "I am not kissing anyone who is kissing anyone else."

Danny understood...but he wasn't sure how committed he was.  He had just taken a young lady out the week before, after all.  He was planning on taking her out again.  :) So we said "goodnight" with out a kiss.

The next morning the four of us headed out with my family to the ocean and then to church.  By the end of our road trip back to school---he had forgotten all about "what's her name" and it was official.  We were together~  and he has been buying me lunch ever since...

The fall weather inspires soup in our kitchen.  I combined a few different recipes and created my own version of clam chowder...

Clam Chowder
1 cube of butter
3/4 c. flour

Make a rue and add...
16 oz. of clam juice
8 c. of water
4 chicken or vegetable boullion cubes
1 large onion finely chopped
7-8 med. to lg. red potatoes diced
4-6 individual celery stalks chopped
garlic salt (a few heavy dashes)  real garlic with sea salt would be even better
paprika (a few heavy dashes)


Let this cook until potatoes are soft-
then add the following:
2-3 6.5 oz cans of clams with clam juice I did two for my kids but would do three if it was just for Danny and I
cream (half and half for a lighter version) to taste.  I really just pour it in until I like the color, consistency and taste.
2 T. cider vinegar
extra salt and pepper to taste

Cook until warm and then serve with flat leaf parsley (not the Italian curly I have pictured) and lemon wedges.  Have black pepper, red pepper flakes & Tabasco sauce on the table for those who want a kick to their soup.  Have plenty of sourdough bread on hand for dipping...bread bowls get soggy...but some people love them.

16 years

16 years...

married to my best friend.

We sat at the counter at one of our favorite (maybe just mine...but he loves it because I do) restaurants.

I ordered the Market Street salad + asparagus...he ordered the early bird special (gulf shrimp).

We talked.

It is comfortable--but so dear at the same time.

We think so much alike on the things that are most important to us...

yet so different on a few non-essentials---

which keeps life interesting...

and keeps me learning...

and growing...

and I love him more for it.

We finished the date with an impromptu tour through the city of our old "firsts"

(click to enlarge)

the house I lived in when we met--

the apartment he lived in when we met--

the apartment I lived in when we were dating--

the house he lived in when we were dating--

our first apartment married...

and then the place where we were married.

We talked about our favorite memories together...

and some memories we want to make in the future.

I felt loved, happy, and grateful.

happy...happy...birthday!

He flew in the night before.  He had been gone for nine days!!!!!!  We missed him and were so glad to have the day to celebrate his birthday.  All he wanted was to stay home THE ENTIRE DAY.  He wanted to work in our yard and in the house.  (Not many other people who genuinely want to work for their birthday!)  I bought plants for flower beds and our garden in preparation.  We also bought an ice cream cake!  We worked and worked and played.  We filled the tires on the bikes and hit the road again.  It was a delightful day...and I am really glad he just wanted to be here.

Happy birthday Love!!!!!!

xoxoxo

daddy "teached" me~

Yesterday Sophie and I had several hours alone.

I took full advantage of the ease of just having one child with me...and ran quite a few errands.

Sophie was cheerful and helpful where ever we went.

She was absolutely delightful to share the day with---

even when demanding--- "Mommy, carry me!"

As we were driving in the car to pick up her sisters I said,

"Sophie, you are so fun to be with and always so cheerful.  I love you."

She replied, "My daddy learned me that."

To clarify I asked, "Did daddy teach you that?"

"Yes, daddy teached me that."  she said very matter-of-factly.

Yes he did.  Yes he did.

photo:  Newport beach, March 2010

i picked him for me...

Dear girls,

I picked your daddy for me...
I loved---
his humor, his gentleness towards me, the walks he wanted to go on, the values he held, his strong hand holding mine.
I love---
his faith, kindness and laughter.
Have you seen---
the way he works hard on something until it is complete, fixed or beautiful?
the mornings he rises early to serve?
or the evenings as I read to you...he gathers my feet in his lap and massages them...and I keep reading and reading?

I love him.  I picked him for me...but I knew he would be perfect for you.  And he is.

photo:  Newport beach...Danny and the girls