Thursday, August 30, 2012

space + sunshine

I woke up with a feeling of stress and worry.  I was feeling discouraged and unsure.  What will I do with my life...????  Should I return to school to earn a master's degree???  Should I return to my photography business???  How much will my family need me at home???  What decision would benefit us more????   I started verbalizing this internal dialogue to Danny the second his eyes opened in the morning light.  He was listening and interested---but ultimately his influence helped me let go and realize---

all of our needs are being met
there is nothing but good...hope...and opportunity in the future
instead of stress I should be focusing on the bounty before us...
                     time, resources, family...LOVE

As the morning progressed I began preparing for a gathering we would have in the canyon that evening.  I had promised my friend a salad with beets from my garden.  I asked Ellie and Kate if they would pick some for me.  They had been outside for a few minutes and I heard Kate calling me.  I walked out to see her holding two beets in the air...LOOK MOM!  THESE ARE FROM THE SAME GARDEN.

She was holding one whose diameter was similar to a pencil and another that was bigger than a baseball.  She showed me where the bigger beet came was the sunny side.  We have a big pine tree hovering over one side of this patch of vegetables and the other side is open to the afternoon sun.  The sunnier side just happened to have better spacing as well.  The larger beet had more space and sunshine.

My daytime is beginning to change.  I have had at least one child home with me full-time for ten and a half years.   Our youngest is heading to kindergarten and I have been in a slight panic.  I am not worried that I will have nothing to do.......I have more interests than a 24 hour period could possibly hold....but what should I do?  As Kate held those beets in the air the calming influence I had felt earlier in the morning returned...

                    space + sunshine = growth
                    space + sunshine = growth
                    space + sunshine = growth

I will not close any doors to my future.  I will face each day with sunshine.  I will appreciate the space (time alone, time at home, happy in the space that is mine).  Whatever my future brings me I want to remember to look on the sunny-side of life.


Tebbs Family said...

Another great RS lesson in the making!!! Bring those beets to church! Beautifully written... you will always choose what is best and right for you and your family because that is the person you are.

Danny said...

Thanks for being my sun shine. I love you and appreciate you so very much.

Shauna said...

I can remember that feeling when all my little boys went to school full time! It won't take you long, before all your FREE time is filled up again...even without the girls!!! xo

AmyMak said...

I just clicked on this blog from another...beautiful words and photography. I love your attitude. I too am in a similar situation...what is next, what will I do (my youngest just went to kindergarten). You are right; the future is bright and it will work out.

Misty said...

I find myself in this same situation. Delaney is in 1st grade. I have an innate need to serve others and take care of them in their time of illness. I really miss it, but I know I have been so blessed with a husband who can provide for all of our needs. It's such a conundrum for me. As a nurse going back to work means working rotating holidays and crazy shifts. I will miss important events in my family. I just don't know what to do. Your post gives me a different way to look at things. Thank you for your very wise and inspired words!

Misty said...

I read this a couple of days ago and when you started your lesson today in Relief Society, I was hoping you would bring this up. With Delaney going into 1st grade, I have been thinking long and hard about my future and whether or not I should go back to work or perhaps more schooling to enhance what I can do with my nursing degree. It's been a struggle for me and one that I have confronted prayerfully. This post gave me so much needed insight. It was amazing! You are amazing! I am privileged to call you friend and I appreciate your example!

~Love Lis said...

and you will! You'll definitely find sunshine in whatever choice you make. I know that so many great things are in store for you. You're such an amazing example to all of us!