the exit interview

iso400 35mm f2.8 1/160

It was the last day of my mission in the Argentina Rosario Mission.  I sat across the desk from my mission president, Jorge Ventura.  He asked me a question in spanish- "do you know how to find a husband?"  I wasn't sure what he meant or how to respond.  He filled the silence with profound wisdom that I will always be grateful for-

"Hermana Miller, tiene que casarse con alguien que no tiene miedo de trabajar y no tiene miedo de sacrificarse."
Translated: "Sister Miller...marry someone who isn't afraid to work and isn't afraid to sacrifice."

If you know Danny at all, you know that I followed that advice very carefully.  I am so grateful that my girls have him to learn from.  They see him work long days and come home with a smile on his face.  They see him frequently offer to help neighbors and friends.  They see him care of rental property that we have worked hard to obtain.  They have been given the privilege to work there.  They like the money they can earn...but what is even more valuable is the lessons of work and sacrifice they are learning by being at his side.

I will always be grateful for my mission, but especially that wisdom I received on my last day in Argentina.

flying kites for Conference

There is a General Conference held twice a year for the Church of Jesus Christ of Latterday Saints.  They really are two of my favorite weekends of the year.  The messages from church leaders are like food for the soul to me.  And having the opportunity to attend church anywhere that the radio/internet can be found is an added bonus!

We decided to enjoy conference at Antelope Island.  It is one of my favorite locations in this beautiful state.  And it is within an hour of our home!  It really has an oceanic feeling to me---even though this salty water is not crashing on the shore.  In fact it is quite stagnate and filled with brine shrimp. 

One of the lessons that stood out strongest for me amidst the flood of wisdom from the conference was regarding the gift of childhood.  

 A young father recently learned of the passing of his extraordinary second-grade teacher. In memory of her, he wrote: “Of all the feelings and experiences I remember, the feeling most prevalent in my mind is ‘comfort.’ She may have taught me spelling, grammar, and math, but far more importantly she taught me to love being a child. In her classroom, it was OK to spell a word wrong here and there; ‘We’ll work on it,’ she’d say. It was OK to spill or tear or smudge; ‘We’ll fix it and we’ll clean it up,’ she would respond. It was OK to try, OK to stretch, OK to dream, and OK to enjoy those pleasures that come from the insignificant things that only children find exciting.”

One of the greatest influences a person can have in this world is to influence a child. Children’s beliefs and self-worth are shaped early in their lives. Everyone within the sound of my voice has the power to increase a child’s confidence in himself or herself and to increase a child’s faith in Heavenly Father and Jesus Christ through the words they speak.  The Words We Speak by Rosemary M. Wixom

Sometimes I feel like it is my job to notice and address wherever we (my family and I) are falling short- as if that is helpful, encouraging or inspiring.  The lines of what is important and worth correcting are sometimes blurred for me.  I am sorry to say---after listening to this wonderful talk---I realized that I spend too much time, worry and concern over made beds, homework and music practice.  I also went away feeling like I want to improve on encouraging words, more time at the foot of our daughters beds-tucking them in at night and more evening walks as a family holding Danny's hand.  If I take the lead on being helpful and encouraging instead of turning mistakes into teaching moments the love will increase in our home...and in our hearts.

I love what Elder Holland shared in the same meeting-

  So be kind regarding human frailty—your own as well as that of those who serve with you in a Church led by volunteer, mortal men and women. Except in the case of His only perfect Begotten Son, imperfect people are all God has ever had to work with. That must be terribly frustrating to Him, but He deals with it. So should we. And when you see imperfection, remember that the limitation is not in the divinity of the work. As one gifted writer has suggested, when the infinite fulness is poured forth, it is not the oil’s fault if there is some loss because finite vessels can’t quite contain it all. Those finite vessels include you and me, so be patient and kind and forgiving. Lord I Believe by Elder Jeffrey R Holland

It is important to be kind and gentle to our loved ones, friends and neighbors...but also to ourselves-focusing on the goodness in ourselves and others; spend time together enjoying one another's company...without agenda or judgement.  

This particular Sunday we enjoyed Antelope Island.  We had sunshine on our backs and joyful children at our feet.  I noticed the neglected kites we own, stacked in a corner of the garage, and decided to throw them in the trunk before we left.  The girls were thrilled to carry them out to the sandy beach.  The wind was gentle and I wasn't sure that they would fly that day.  Their enthusiasm was contagious and we began assembling.  We discussed string length and wind direction.  We held the kite in the air as they took off running into the lazy breeze.  As they ran the kite lifted!  They ran and ran and ran and ran.  As the kites soared and their smiles grew my soul was fed once again.  It was just one more reminder of the gift it is to know and love a child- filled with joy, easy to love and beautiful people to emulate.

other Conference thoughts here and here.

lovest thou me?

Santa Fe, Argentina 1992

I was twenty years old.  I had been a church-goer with my family most of my life.  My mom was baptized in the Church of Jesus Christ of Latter-day Saints when I was three years old.  My dad's activity soon followed.  I had experienced many positive influences through church attendance: gospel teachings, a supportive church family and opportunities for some service.  At this time in fact, I was "serving" as the secretary in a youth group (12-18 year old girls).  It was standards night and the book "For the Strength of Youth" had just been released and we were presenting it to the youth for the first time.

As I listened to this meeting I had a clear realization that church activity had been a strong part of my life and upbringing...yet the gospel of Jesus Christ seemed weak.  Did I have a personal relationship with Jesus Christ?  As I sat in the large room with many friends around me I made a determination- I wanted the gospel of Jesus Christ to sink deep into my soul.  I wanted to know for myself.  I wanted to attend to my meetings and service because I loved my Savior- not because it is what my family did.  I decided that night that I would read the Book of Mormon every day.  This is a book of scripture that I had studied every four years in seminary and Sunday school but I had never read it seriously and sincerely for myself.  I started that night. 

The words and the stories within the book were familiar, I had heard most of them many times, but something was happening to my heart.  I felt it softening.  As I read one night I was so overcome with grattitude.  This feeling had never happened to me before.  I felt such joy and I was humbled by it.  What did I do to deserve to have this in my life?  I wanted to share.  I knelt by my bed to thank my Father in Heaven.  I felt so grateful to know this peace and feel this gospel.  The next thought and words that came to my mind surprised me---"If you want me to go- I will serve." 

Had I really just said that?  Friends and church members had asked me many times if I had plans to serve a mission.  My answer was always "no."  And a quick "no" at that.  I didn't have any interest in being called away from those I love for 18 months to an unknown location, I could have been sent anywhere.  That next day I thought about that prayer I offered at the side of my bed all day long.  How would I know if He wanted me to go???  As I returned home that evening from work I saw a letter that I had received in the mail that day.  My friend had written from his mission in Argentina.  (A country I would be called to.) As he completed the letter he wrote something like this:

Carin, I strongly feel that you should serve a mission.  It has blessed my life and strengthened my testimony like I can't describe in words....

As I read his words a strong feeling overtook me.  I knew it wasn't my friends words...but a calling to serve.  I knew my answer.  I walked down the hallway to my parent's room and told them the news- I was going on a mission.

As I listened to Elder Holland's message he gave last Sunday in General Conference this experience, from twenty years ago, came flooding back to me.  He shared the apostles experience found in the New Testament when Jesus returned after his resurrection.  Peter and several apostles returned to fishing.  Jesus needed them to be His disciples...Lovest thou me?  Lovest thou me?  Lovest thou me?

Where is my heart today?
I am busy, active and participating in church service---but where is my heart?
Is it focused on serving others?
Have I let go of pride?
Is it focused on Him? 


"To all within the sound of my voice, the voice of Christ comes ringing down through the halls of time, asking each one of us while there is time, 'Do you love me?' And for every one of us, I answer with my honor and my soul, 'Yea, Lord, we do love thee.' And having set our 'hand to the plough,' we will never look back until this work is finished and love of God and neighbor rules the world."  Elder Holland

I am left, after listening to these beautiful words, with a desire to do better...so much better...not only in deed...but instead in my heart.

space + sunshine

I woke up with a feeling of stress and worry.  I was feeling discouraged and unsure.  What will I do with my life...????  Should I return to school to earn a master's degree???  Should I return to my photography business???  How much will my family need me at home???  What decision would benefit us more????   I started verbalizing this internal dialogue to Danny the second his eyes opened in the morning light.  He was listening and interested---but ultimately his influence helped me let go and realize---

all of our needs are being met
there is nothing but good...hope...and opportunity in the future
instead of stress I should be focusing on the bounty before us...
                     time, resources, family...LOVE

As the morning progressed I began preparing for a gathering we would have in the canyon that evening.  I had promised my friend a salad with beets from my garden.  I asked Ellie and Kate if they would pick some for me.  They had been outside for a few minutes and I heard Kate calling me.  I walked out to see her holding two beets in the air...LOOK MOM!  THESE ARE FROM THE SAME GARDEN.

She was holding one whose diameter was similar to a pencil and another that was bigger than a baseball.  She showed me where the bigger beet came from...it was the sunny side.  We have a big pine tree hovering over one side of this patch of vegetables and the other side is open to the afternoon sun.  The sunnier side just happened to have better spacing as well.  The larger beet had more space and sunshine.

My daytime is beginning to change.  I have had at least one child home with me full-time for ten and a half years.   Our youngest is heading to kindergarten and I have been in a slight panic.  I am not worried that I will have nothing to do.......I have more interests than a 24 hour period could possibly hold....but what should I do?  As Kate held those beets in the air the calming influence I had felt earlier in the morning returned...

                    space + sunshine = growth
                    space + sunshine = growth
                    space + sunshine = growth

I will not close any doors to my future.  I will face each day with sunshine.  I will appreciate the space (time alone, time at home, happy in the space that is mine).  Whatever my future brings me I want to remember to look on the sunny-side of life.

a little gift

Coming home from a walk a few weeks ago we found a gift for Kate on the doorstep.  There was a plate of cookies (snicker-doodles) and six small plants of red sedum creeper.  Sitting with this gift was a card.  The girls and I gathered on the porch...they ate snicker-doodles while I read the card aloud.

Dear Kate,


How exciting to be baptized...to become a member of The Church of Jesus Christ of Latter-day Saints and receive the Holy Ghost.  Even though your baptism + confirmation only took a short time your life will be changed forever.  You have actually been working up to these steps for 8 years, walking + following your parent's example and the example of the Savior.  I'm pleased to know you and to watch you make this most important step in your life so far.


Now...I have given you a little gift- it is kind of a strange gift for an 8 year old but it is something I love.  It is a plant that you can plant anywhere in your garden that you have room for ground cover.  This is why I love this plant---It is like a testimony.


1.  It is easy to grow.  It doesn't need tons of sun or tons of water.  It just needs a little of both once it is planted.  Sun (prayer), water (scriptures)
2.  It changes throughout the spring + summer + into the fall.  Sometimes it grows little flowers + then in the fall it changes colors.  Just like our lives we will experience things that will add to our testimony- make it more beautiful, bigger + colorful
3.  It is reliable.  It comes back EVERY year as long as it has had some water + some sun in the summer.  Each year it will get stronger + bigger.  You might even need to divide it + spread it to another area in the garden.


I also made you some snickerdoodles.  First of all because your mother said they were one of your favorites.  The other reason is because I think you are sometimes a little snickerdoodle---cute, fun, giggly + sweet with a touch of cinnamon in your hair.  


May Heavenly Father bless you in this new part of your journey.
Love to you,
Betsy


After I finished reading Ellie responded "that is the best card we have ever read."  They loved the analogies made...and the cookies were delicious.  I loved the thoughtfulness and time a dear friend took to touch the heart of my daughter.

in the waters...

...of baptism

Kate chose to be baptized on July 7th.

I have created a photo book for my girls as a keepsake for their baptisms.  (See book here)  I have included a page for them to write their memories, for Danny + I to write our thoughts, special words given in the blessing as they receive the Holy Ghost, a few pages for family + friends to write thoughts and feelings to them on that day.

These books have been such treasures for Danny and I.  I hope the girls will love them as much as we do.  

Her memories as she wrote them....

"I thoght about how many time I would hear Holy gost.  I wondered If I would remember the tile.  And If I would have a memorey that gib Lowe was saying my name during the bllesing.  And that I was qieting him by putting my finger up to my mouth.  Kate"

As I read that I smiled.  I was right behind cute Gib and didn't hear one word :)  Sam Lowe and Kate were baptized on the same day.  They are wonderful friends and it was nice sharing the day together.  Kate and Sam wanted to play a song for their baptism.  Originally they planned on "I Wonder When He Comes Again."  As the time got closer and Sam returned from being in Europe for a month we realized they wouldn't be ready on their own to do that.  When Sam returned (4 days before the baptism) we got together and chose "I Know That My Redeemer Lives."  Sam (piano) and I played a prelude.  Ellie (guitar), Jake Lowe (guitar), Kate (cello) and I (guitar) accompanied as we all sang.  Heidi and Nana Miller sang with us too.

Aunt Sharon shared some thoughts on the Holy Ghost...

"Precious young people, make every decision you contemplate pass this test:  What does it do to me?  What does it do for me?  And let your code of conduct emphasize not What will others think? but rather What will I think of myself?  Be influenced by that still, small voice.  Remember that one with authority placed his hands on your head at the time of your confirmation and said, 'Receive the Holy Ghost.'  Open your hearts, even your very souls, to the sound of that special voice that testifies of truth."  

President Monson

 After the baptism we had family + friends gather at our home for lunch:  sandwiches, salads, beans, chips, drinks and Amanda's ice cream dessert.  I don't know what we would do with out our families!  They were SO helpful!  After lunch and visiting---those that were left---headed over to the pool with us for a few hours of swimming.  Then for dinner the kids ate at the house with Nana and the rest of the adults went out to dinner.  (Thank you Nana!!!!)  After eating...and picking apricots we set up a movie in the backyard with blankets and treats.  What a wonderful day!!!!!!!  A favorite of Kate's for sure!!!!